This blog post kind of took a life of it`s own. A lot is written that I hadn`t intended and lots of intentions were omitted. Some of it is personal and every fiber in my being told me to press delete but I have decided to step out of my box and post it anyway. So here it goes...
These days I am taking life at a slower pace. My to trip to Botswana made me realize that I need a break from the business of life. I have been way too busy these last few years and I have taken inventory and realize that I want to spend more time with my kids, and my yoga practice. I am trading a bit of doing for a bit of being. This coming weekend is the great Handmade Harvest Craft Sale in Almont. My Annie Bananie table was meant to be there with felted goodies ready for the appreciative buyer but alas I couldn't get it together but more on that later. I started felting an elephant and my arm numb to the point where I could barely write. The nerves of my right arm seem to be telling me something.
Some of you might know this some of you might but I have been getting phantom migraines. I had never heard of this phenomenon before. What is that exactly? Funny enough it is a migraine without the headache. How can one have a migraine without a headache? Seems odd doesn't it? Migraines come with a variety of symptoms other than the common piercing pain in ones head. In my experience I get a flickering light in my peripheral vision. The first time it happened I freaked out, the light was intense, the world seemed to be far away (which means I was about to pass out) and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest (fear). I got so scared that I called the ambulance. It turns out that the flickering lights are the aura of a migraine and the beating in my chest and the disappearing world a panic attack. So apparently some people get the aura of a migraine without getting the headache. My first bout of it was 2 weeks before leaving for Africa. On my return from Africa, the aura came back 3 times in a week and I got freaked out. This was the catalyst for my slowing down. In my 41 years of life I had never had phantom migraines and the manifestation was a wake up call. Our bodies communicate with us through our aches and pains and this one I cannot ignore. My father had a stroke at a young age and I do not want that to be me. In fact that day when I first "saw the light" I thought I was having a stroke which was terrifying. It takes an event like that to shake you to the bones and make you realize how scared you are of death!
Funny enough after making this hard decision of taking life easier with less things to do and more time to be I got a phone call. It is one of those calls that we all dread and hate to get. Yep, I got that call from CRA and am getting audited for 2009. So now I am swimming in papers, receipts and thoughts. I have been using the stress of this as a tool to meditate. Whenever I notice myself getting caught up in my mind with thoughts of my audit I take deep breaths and meditate on the fact that I am healthy, that I have great kids, a great community and that I have everything that I need. I watch my breath and the discomfort of my stress. Sometimes the discomfort leaves and others it`s harder to work with. The demons in my head seem to crop up when I want to be sleeping so that in the morning sheet are in disarray and so am I.
I am thankful for all the people in my life that give the greatest hugs. I am thankful for the fact that I am taking yin teacher training (starting this morning), I am thankful for all the little people in my life as their light, laughter and joy keep me things in perspective. I am thankful for my struggles as they are what makes me stronger.
Now that you have read all that I did not intend to write stay tuned for what I did!I could not post this post without some pics. Here is little Avery who is part of my daycare family and also my niece. She really looks like my sister in these photos, just beautiful. She is the sweetest little girl, a little fairy.
May you shine your light everywhere.
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